Zuko's Muse and Musings
by barya
Summary: ok, changed summary. zuko and his girls. i envision this to accompany my main Toko story... hope to complete them both! please rnr
1. Chapter 1

Zuko stepped down his carriage. He was burning within, but he dared not show it, not because of his pride, but humbly, because of respect.

It was a happy day for the court. One of his young generals, to be beloved as much as Uncle Iroh he suspects, got married today. He himself has just come from the ceremonies, although it was barely over since the whole nation was celebrating the nuptial of one their heroes. Sai-yok, the groom, is the best among his generals. No, he did not fight in the battlefields that still plagued the land because of factions within the country, he could not even bend... but he is vital to the rebuilding of their torn and broken nation. For a hundred years, the fire nation did inflict so much harm against the other countries, but it also severely hurt itself. The war robbed their own people their peace, lands of their farmers, merchants their trade... families their sons. Everywhere desolation, in every belly hunger.

Sai-yok was a young rebel who took after his father, and grandfather's quest for peace. His family, being a devout follower of the Avatar Roko, kept faith that the new avatar would come and save all. Sai-yok had said that at age 15, he had travelled all of the vast fire nation, spreading the word of hope to the common people, while rousing their desires to fight to resist war for their own peace. And those from all the parts of the country did remember him, and so the people trusted Zuko, blood and heir of the fire lords that brought them agony, who rode with him. Although Zuko felt that the people did love Sai-yok more, he never envied him, not until now.

He hated that Mai did not look bored, did not look so much like she didn't care. He was jealous that she shared her smile to everyone in the large room. He always thought that that smile was his only... what bastard would teach her to give that freely away? Among all the living, he had loved her second only to Uncle Iroh. That was after the war. Because some time after which, he had loved his nation more. And Mai thought that she still loved only him, and became very jealous. And Mai became impatient, and Zuko became impatient with her. If only for that, they could have still stayed together. but other things did not stay the same, or did not feel the same.

"You loved me because you had nobody else," she said mockingly last night, just before she went to sleep early for her wedding. There was no hint of hurt, instead she was full of joy and he knew he would never be able to make her feel like that. "And i loved you because I was young and stupid." She added. Their relationship was ridges deeper than that, he was sure, but it was also true somehow.

And she hugged him, and he knew that he would always be there for her, he would still kill for her if he had to... but he did not love her the way he did when they still stayed at the beach house and when his mother left him... if only it was him who taught her to be selfless with her smile... and her time and her love... maybe he would still have loved her like before.


	2. Chapter 2

"Mr. Lee, will you come back to teach me the dancing technique?" The five-year old boy looked up to him, his golden eyes glowing with hope. Zuko did not catch himself pulling the boy close and placing a peck on his forehead. –

He felt content as he watched her back working on the kitchen. He did not need to make his presence known. He took a step back from the window and took a turn, but his eyes met fire. Instinct took over and he pushed back his unseen opponent, sparks coming off his palms. The body landed on the haystack before he realized that he attacked a little boy.

"Jihoo? What are you doing out there?" Song's worried voice called from the house.

Zuko rushed to the boy's side. The little one lay with his round eyes enlarging with fear. But it only took a moment for the boy to sit up and cross his arms in front of his chest, his eyes narrowing, seemingly challenging the older man. Zuko reached down to the small shoulders. "Are you alright?"

"What happened?" Song ran towards them. "Lee?" –

He was passing by the town on a mission. He was going to get supplies, he told himself. But he also needed to see an old "friend". He went to the spot where he remembered her house to be. Nothing stood there. "Did the fire army reach this far and poor village?" He thought bitterly. He prayed that it was his memory that failed him. He went to where he remembered the healers' inn was. It was still there. And through the window he saw that so was Song, still making her patients well with the glow of her smile and light chatter. He then retreated to get his supplies… but couldn't stop himself from following on her way home. He did not have a reason why. In fact, he had more reason to get going on his undertaking; still he followed her like a stalker. Maybe it was the breeze of old company which made him continue. That was what happened. But he did not tell all of that to Song. –

She inspected her son for any bone injuries. "None! You are such a strong boy!" Song did not display any hint of anger after the accident he caused. Instead, she expressed how happy she was to see him again. The boy warmed up to him after learning that he is an old acquaintance of his mother.

"Your scar looks like that of the Fire Lord." Jihoo mused as he and his mother shared their meager meal with Zuko.

"I guess it is easy to burn your face when you play with fire a lot. That is why you have to be careful." He cautiously answered.

"I burned my hair! That is why mother shaved all of it off." His face beamed with pride.

Song smiled. "I guess it also is just a coincidence that your Uncle Moushi looks like the fat guy of the Order of the White Lotus." She knows.

"Posters… you cannot trust those sketches all the time." –

The boy cuddled with him on the porch as Song cleaned after the dishes. He was asking him about fire bending. Song leaves Jihoo, along with some village children, with an old man who can earth bend when she goes to work. There are very few earth benders in the area and no one who can do fire. Zuko obliged by showing him some hand tricks.

"Fire comes from within Jihoo. You must find a source within yourself, and from that, you will learn how to grow your fire. You may not understand it yet, but…"

"Oh, I understand." Jihoo's face lit up more brightly.

"Really?"

"Master Sup said something like that too. I know what my source is. I must always protect my mother."

"Your master told you that too?"

"Well he said it is something which I always want to do. Why? Is it wrong? Is it different with fire bending?"

"It is precise. Sit here, I will show you something." He stood up and went to the middle of the front yard. He then proceeded to perform the dancing dragon technique. To show off to a little boy was not something he would normally do. And given the fact that he was not even supposed to be in that village, he would want to avoid using fire as much as possible. But at that moment, all seem to be safe… and he genuinely wanted to get this boy to be more interested in fire bending.

When he finished, Jihoo's eyes was filled with admiration.

"Can you teach me that? Please?"

"Our visitor is already tired Jihoo. And you are way past your bed time." Song said from the door. She had come to watch him in the middle of his execution. "Please you can bother him tomorrow." She wrapped her arms around her little boy and placed long kisses on his cheeks.

Jihoo let out a yawn. He was very much wide eyed and excited a while ago, but Song's caresses seem to lure him right away to his bed. "Goodnight Mr. Lee. Mother, I love you." He then bowed and clumsily went inside.

Zuko marveled at the boy's courteousness. Song then sat beside him, her face now only half smiling.

"Are you upset of what I showed him?" Zuko concernedly asked. He should have considered her feelings on the matter, he now realized.

"Why would I be? But now that you showed it to him, he will be obsessed with it I will tell you. So if that is some secret technique, you would have to be worried." She looked far beyond the fences of the yard. There was silence for a while.

"He can firebend?"

"Yes, he learned it. Just a year ago."

"On his own?"

"On his own, urged by the circumstances then I guess. You see there was a flood here last year. My old house was even swept away. The men were out saving the crops. Several women and I were flushed by the sudden floods. We only managed to hang and eventually climb on top of big rock. It was continuously raining and it was very cold. One of the small girls was chilling feverishly. Jihoo suddenly had fire on his palms. I could not have been prouder." Song did look very proud reminiscing.

"That was great. Jihoo's first use of fire was to give life."

Song smiled back at me. There was silence again. He wanted to ask her but did not know how to.

"You are a native of the Earth Kingdom?"

Song nodded.

"Hmmm," was all he can reply.

"You are wondering about the father?" She said some time later. Zuko looked at her and looked right back away. "He… He was a Fire Nation soldier."

"Really?" He might have sounded very excited. "What is his name?" Does he know he has a son? Is he still alive?

"I don't know…" Song smiled and looked far again. "I… I don't know… which… which one of them." Her voice broke.

And it dawned on him. The Fire Nation army did get to this small town then. The Fire Lord could not look at her. The air in his chest was ready to burst his ribs apart. This was the girl who first showed him the evils of the Fire Nation, and here she was, showing it to him again. He was ashamed… but more, his heart broke for the girl beside me. He went to kneel before her, and tried, very hard, to look at her… to show sincerity.

"I am sorry, for what my Nation has done, I do not know how to repair this." He was expecting her to be crying, his own tears welling up on his eyes. But she gave him a faint smile… and forgiveness? She gave it very easily, his heart broke more.

"It is in the past. All is well now."

"No it is not well. Nothing is well. Please, beat me, slap me…. There must be anger there, somewhere." He begged as he looked down. He felt tears stream down his face. "Please Song… do not be so good hearted. Not with me, I bear the Nation which brought you nothing but sorrow."

"Let me touch you then." She pulled his face up and wiped the tears from his cheeks. "Do you think Jihoo is any form of sorrow? I would like to think that I am a tool of fate, Lee. Fate must have brought me sorrow, but it also compensated me well. Jihoo, you see, he saved lives at a tender age… and I brought him into the world. It comforts me to imagine he will do the world a lot of better things. And you and Moushi, I am very proud to have brought into my house heroes that would end a hundred years war. There are moments that I am sad, but there are more that I am full of joy. Just like now, it brings me so much happiness to know firsthand that the Fire Nation is now being led by a good and kind man…" The silence that followed was longer than any that preceded it that night.

"Song… you will raise Jihoo into a very good… great man."—

The next morning, when Zuko left the yard to go on with his mission he felt renewed. His heart weary from running the still unstable Fire Nation was invigorated. He was hopeful. And as he looked down on the boy below him, he let out a promise that he will never break; a promise for the future of his Nation.

"I will come back Jihoo, and I will teach you many things."


End file.
